So I actually wrote this piece two years ago and I don't know why, but I never published it. I found it today and decided its definitely worth a publish, yes? Please enjoy... Keep in mind I was a rookie back then (probably why it's so long...)
Guess what this is about? I'll tell you. It's about this teeny little very important thing called Marriage. Well more like Getting Married. Okay so before I get ahead of myself, let me say I really don't know a whole lot about the subject; though I have seen and heard quite a bit. While we learn from the marriage experiences of others, the best and most colourful stories will always be your personal experience. So I won't be 'talking' about marriage today, instead I'll be giving my humble opinion on the simple sub-topic of "What Time is Right?"
Someone once said 'being single does not mean being alone - singleness does not equal alone-ness'... Our society has unconsciously (or consciously) trained the mind of the average Nigerian female, that her ultimate goal should be to get married to a 'good' man (wouldn't hurt if he's a really good 'catch') and have a few kids (and depending on your tribe, of both sexes if you please). Recently though, a lot of women seem determined to break out of that mind set. Some now put career, financial security, etc clearly above marriage on their priority lists. So women of this new crop would prefer to get married only when they have a really good job that right now pays all the bills with a chunk left over, a nice car, significant investments, maybe an apartment, maybe even one or two extra degrees. Call them feminist or not, they'll still tell you that life doesn't begin and end with the word marriage and that every woman has the right to be all she wants to be and then some, with or without the presence of a husband. And that you'll most likely regret it and cause yourself undue heartache, getting married with no sense of independence and no financial security of your own.
On the other hand however, there are some women who believe that they have done nothing really worthy of note or commendation in their lives till they get married. For these ladies, every second thought is directly or indirectly related to ending this bondage called 'singleness'. Another group of ladies live strictly for the approval of their parents/family, so they marry when family says it's time, and to whom family says is right; their opinions (if expressed at all) count for little or nothing. Sometimes the ladies in this group have no say in the matter by virtue of religion or culture. So I'll just ask, what is the right age for a lady to get married. Is there even such a thing as the 'right age?' And what age should a lady start getting antsy? is it 22, 24, 25, 27, 29 or 33? At what age should she maybe just settle for whoever she has in front of her at that time, regardless of his flaws or her reservations?
I can't speak for all women, but what I'll say is that everybody and that includes every woman, was created to fulfill a purpose, to fulfill a wonderful destiny, and it's just plain unfair to our creator to restrict that purpose to marriage. There's so much more we are called to be and to do outside of a marriage. For one and most importantly, as Christians, our primary assignment is to be about our Father's business, telling the world around us about the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ. Everyone who desires to be married should do so at their own time, led by God and to a partner of their own choice, also of course led by God.
You should be so sure that your love for this person will never wane, regardless of any imperfections, no matter how minor or major they may be. You should be sure that your marriage will stand in the face of any kinds of winds no matter how fierce - financial winds, relational winds, fertility winds, career/business winds, etc. Some say you should marry your friend, I say please do. The love shared between two sincere friends is something special. If you've ever noticed, it's like you carry the person in your heart all the time. That's what a marriage should be like. That kind of love is quite different from the emotionally controlled, lust controlled, romantic 'love' that most marriages are built on today. Your marriage should be a wonderful mixture of both romantic love and a deep feeling of friendship.
So please, don't enjoy your life any less because you're single. Don't attend every occasion and leave disappointed because you didn't meet 'him'. Maybe sometimes you attend a wedding here or another social event there and as soon as you settle down you quickly zero in on one guy that fits your picture of 'him' and you proceed to mentally put a 'potential future husband' stamp on his forehead. Then you make him the focus of your attention the entire evening, you follow his every move, hoping he'll glance your way, your eyes will meet and BAM!! well... sorry hun, it doesn't always work that way. If you're confident enough you'll probably walk up to him, introduce yourself and start a conversation. If you're not, isn't it better you spend that lovely afternoon/evening mingling, laughing, meeting new people, some who might even be good business contacts, and just basically enjoying yourself.. instead of moping, or worse, doing silly, unintelligent things in a bid to get someone's attention.
So, if you are in a relationship presently and you honestly don't think you can live alone with that person happily for the next 40 years, please rethink. Or you're in a relationship with someone that finds the concept of praying together very odd, or you're that is so physical that you've probably never had a single, long (4/5 hours of) intelligent conversation or mentally stimulating discussion/argument ever? Do try it, you might be surprised to learn that you guys have so very little to even talk about or agree on!
Whatever the case may be, please, LIVE this one life that God has blessed you with, enjoy your family and your friends, be a blessing to people around you every day.. please be a blessing! Keep smiling, laugh more, don't worry, he will come. *wink
It might not be today, it might not be this month, maybe not this year, but eh, do you really want to look back on your life and see all what you could have done if only you hadn't been worrying so much, all the prayers you could have prayed for others? while you were focusing on issues that are not that crucial in the grand scheme of things? You will be married one day, it won't be a mistake and by the grace of God you will be very happy and fulfilled in your marriage, plus you'll have as many healthy and beautiful children as you desire..now THAT is my prayer for you.
Guess what this is about? I'll tell you. It's about this teeny little very important thing called Marriage. Well more like Getting Married. Okay so before I get ahead of myself, let me say I really don't know a whole lot about the subject; though I have seen and heard quite a bit. While we learn from the marriage experiences of others, the best and most colourful stories will always be your personal experience. So I won't be 'talking' about marriage today, instead I'll be giving my humble opinion on the simple sub-topic of "What Time is Right?"
Someone once said 'being single does not mean being alone - singleness does not equal alone-ness'... Our society has unconsciously (or consciously) trained the mind of the average Nigerian female, that her ultimate goal should be to get married to a 'good' man (wouldn't hurt if he's a really good 'catch') and have a few kids (and depending on your tribe, of both sexes if you please). Recently though, a lot of women seem determined to break out of that mind set. Some now put career, financial security, etc clearly above marriage on their priority lists. So women of this new crop would prefer to get married only when they have a really good job that right now pays all the bills with a chunk left over, a nice car, significant investments, maybe an apartment, maybe even one or two extra degrees. Call them feminist or not, they'll still tell you that life doesn't begin and end with the word marriage and that every woman has the right to be all she wants to be and then some, with or without the presence of a husband. And that you'll most likely regret it and cause yourself undue heartache, getting married with no sense of independence and no financial security of your own.
On the other hand however, there are some women who believe that they have done nothing really worthy of note or commendation in their lives till they get married. For these ladies, every second thought is directly or indirectly related to ending this bondage called 'singleness'. Another group of ladies live strictly for the approval of their parents/family, so they marry when family says it's time, and to whom family says is right; their opinions (if expressed at all) count for little or nothing. Sometimes the ladies in this group have no say in the matter by virtue of religion or culture. So I'll just ask, what is the right age for a lady to get married. Is there even such a thing as the 'right age?' And what age should a lady start getting antsy? is it 22, 24, 25, 27, 29 or 33? At what age should she maybe just settle for whoever she has in front of her at that time, regardless of his flaws or her reservations?
I can't speak for all women, but what I'll say is that everybody and that includes every woman, was created to fulfill a purpose, to fulfill a wonderful destiny, and it's just plain unfair to our creator to restrict that purpose to marriage. There's so much more we are called to be and to do outside of a marriage. For one and most importantly, as Christians, our primary assignment is to be about our Father's business, telling the world around us about the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ. Everyone who desires to be married should do so at their own time, led by God and to a partner of their own choice, also of course led by God.
You should be so sure that your love for this person will never wane, regardless of any imperfections, no matter how minor or major they may be. You should be sure that your marriage will stand in the face of any kinds of winds no matter how fierce - financial winds, relational winds, fertility winds, career/business winds, etc. Some say you should marry your friend, I say please do. The love shared between two sincere friends is something special. If you've ever noticed, it's like you carry the person in your heart all the time. That's what a marriage should be like. That kind of love is quite different from the emotionally controlled, lust controlled, romantic 'love' that most marriages are built on today. Your marriage should be a wonderful mixture of both romantic love and a deep feeling of friendship.
So please, don't enjoy your life any less because you're single. Don't attend every occasion and leave disappointed because you didn't meet 'him'. Maybe sometimes you attend a wedding here or another social event there and as soon as you settle down you quickly zero in on one guy that fits your picture of 'him' and you proceed to mentally put a 'potential future husband' stamp on his forehead. Then you make him the focus of your attention the entire evening, you follow his every move, hoping he'll glance your way, your eyes will meet and BAM!! well... sorry hun, it doesn't always work that way. If you're confident enough you'll probably walk up to him, introduce yourself and start a conversation. If you're not, isn't it better you spend that lovely afternoon/evening mingling, laughing, meeting new people, some who might even be good business contacts, and just basically enjoying yourself.. instead of moping, or worse, doing silly, unintelligent things in a bid to get someone's attention.
So, if you are in a relationship presently and you honestly don't think you can live alone with that person happily for the next 40 years, please rethink. Or you're in a relationship with someone that finds the concept of praying together very odd, or you're that is so physical that you've probably never had a single, long (4/5 hours of) intelligent conversation or mentally stimulating discussion/argument ever? Do try it, you might be surprised to learn that you guys have so very little to even talk about or agree on!
Whatever the case may be, please, LIVE this one life that God has blessed you with, enjoy your family and your friends, be a blessing to people around you every day.. please be a blessing! Keep smiling, laugh more, don't worry, he will come. *wink
It might not be today, it might not be this month, maybe not this year, but eh, do you really want to look back on your life and see all what you could have done if only you hadn't been worrying so much, all the prayers you could have prayed for others? while you were focusing on issues that are not that crucial in the grand scheme of things? You will be married one day, it won't be a mistake and by the grace of God you will be very happy and fulfilled in your marriage, plus you'll have as many healthy and beautiful children as you desire..now THAT is my prayer for you.
